Other Mothers

bwheartMothers. We all have one. Or had one.

They come in every shape, size, color, ability, consequence, joy, sorrow, and species.

An occurrence of nature. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by chance. Sometimes by force.

But however it occurs, there is an innate built in sense to nurture, to protect the young, and to send them out to the world of mostly unknowns to start the process again.

 

Long before Mother’s Day became a commercial gold mine, celebrations were conducted in ancient Egypt to worship the Goddess Isis. READ MORE

Circling

thought i was happyDeath.

It circles around us. Daily. And yet, there are times when the circle seems to be closer and closer. This Spring has been one of those times.

Loved ones. Acquaintances. Family.

Too often we find out that out of the blue someone is gone. For good. Hopefully, there was time to talk with them, to laugh with them, to cry with them. But more often than not it will come as a shock to our systems that we could have done more to keep in contact, to tell them we cared, tell them we loved them. READ MORE

Sprout, Grow, Bend….Or Not

bamboo arkansasI’m always amazed this time of year. One day the ground is just last years leaves and sparse grass and the next day the new bamboo shoots are plentiful and shooting towards the sky at  a rapid rate. Rapid in this case means 6-12″ a day. It’s a reminder that what goes on beneath the cold, dry and seemingly dead ground is just a facade for what is about to be. It’s also a reminder of how quickly things change.  READ MORE

She is a frontier woman

girl-with-crystals

“Shhhh! She is traveling between worlds right now. You can see her holding the tension of not knowing ~ she is simply breathing into her unanswered questions. Sometimes she drinks her coffee with quaking hands, not knowing where her relationship or her bank account is going. But this time, she is holding onto the tension of not knowing, and is not willing to hit the panic button. She is unlearning thousands of years of conditioning. She is not being split between the opposing forces of fight and flight. She is neither naïve nor ignorant. She is a frontier woman, paving new roads & making new choices. She is willing to make a new transcendent possibility emerge. You may see her now ~ standing at thresholds, or at crossroads ~ breathing into her body ~ intently listening for inner signals. She’s learning new navigation skills as she arrives at a most magical moment of her life.” …….~ Sukhvinder Sircar

 

Always and Forever….

There’s a dull ache. No..not dull, why sugarcoat it? It’s a stabbing, a burning, a fracture kind of ache. A, I can’t breathe. A racing, pounding ache. Pain.

And it doesn’t go away with time. In fact time makes it worse. It grows, it’s ever present. It’s just ticks off time..time that seems endless. READ MORE

Yeah, Right…Happy Fucking Birthday

I’d like to think that birthdays are happy times. Of the 62 I’ve had, only a handful have been something I would like to repeat.

I thought this one might be different. I had hopes. I had wishes. But even before Christmas rolled around I knew this was leading up to just another milestone of sadness. Of loneliness. Of a day spent alone. READ MORE

Happy Birthday To Me!

One would think that 59 years on a planet would bring all the answers. Many yes. All? No. And that’s a good thing. The learning, the wonders, the questions, the pain, the rejoice, the gratitude, the losses, the gains and most of all the awe. Especially the awe.

So as I embark on my 59th year I do it with awe and gratitude. As I reflect on my 58th year I do so with understanding.

Some might look at my last year and say it was rife with losses. And that may be true in the physical sense. I started my birthday a year ago with my 97 year old mother riding in an ambulance. She died in March. Then one of my best friends died. Then another. Then another. Friends whom I thought were friends went by the wayside. Life seemed to be a roller coaster of emotion. Then late summer I had a mishap with a spooked horse and subsequently after some rather unfortunate experiences with medical personnel was left with a shattered arm and shoulder. For a time my entire body was broken and bruised. But most of all my arm was useless. A hanging appendage that carried more pain than I humanly thought possible. If I thought I had been busy with all the death and dealing with that to the point of not working, enter “the arm” . Life altered in every way. Life as I had known it. Awe had new definition. READ MORE

Happy Mother’s Day

Miss Margie – 1932 Stephens College

Mother’s Day. It got me reflecting a bit on Mother’s Days past. Mother’s Day with my mom and my mom in general. If there’s one thing she did it was to teach me about her love of animals. As a child I listened to stories of her own youth and the animals who were a part of her world. Her grandfather had Mammoth Jack donkeys and mules. Her grandmother raised pigs. And cows were a part of daily life when her grandmother and father operated a dairy for years and years. And of her beloved stallions she rode with pride. READ MORE